Accidental Home-schooling…

I have always told myself that there are several things that my children will eventually learn, or be exposed to someday that, as a parent, I should brace myself for. Naively I assured myself that children pick these things up at school.  Sadly, that isn’t quite accurate. For example, my son did not learn how to fart on cue, and follow it with “and that’s what I think about that!” from his teacher. That home-school credit definitely goes to his father.

 Turns out kids are learning just as many “helpful” and “convenient” things at home as they are at school:

Side note: The rules of family-themed blogging are clear, so I have chosen to replace the all-too-familiar adult “terms” below with a more kid-friendly substitute. See if you can keep up.

• My 3 year old niece is in the backseat of the car while her parents are driving and very nonchalantly and without any particular emphasis, states “I’m frogging hungry.”
• Shortly afterwards, when the same precocious little gem is asking for a cookie from her nanny and her request is greeted with an undesired response, she exclaims, fists clenched, “this is bullsugar!”
• My daughter is using the toilet as I’m blow-drying my hair and asks me in a curious tone: “the magazines aren’t for pee, right Mommy, just poo?”
• Playing the role of single mother to four kids all week while my husband travels, I am too exhausted to cook dinner so I say in my most excited and persuasive voice “Who wants to go to McDonalds?!”  My two year old responds, “no Mommy, that’s junkfood!”. Backfire.
• This last one requires some background:  My (just) three year old son has recently developed a fascination with the computer game he watches his older brother and beloved uncle play together entitled “Plants and Zombies”. It includes funny little cartoon zombies doing Michael Jackson moves and caring for plants in various ways as far as I can tell.  He begs to sit in a kitchen chair and watch them play just for the chance to watch a zombie moon walk across the screen.  Fast forward to last night as I’m tucking my little angel into bed and he sweetly states that he is scared to sleep alone. In my most loving and motherly tone I respond with, “oh darling, you just need to fill your head with happy thoughts of your favourite things and before you know it, you’re off to sleep”. His response?  “Okay, Mommy. I will think of zombies. Good night.”

 One of the most deflating aspects of parenthood can be when you see your child demonstrate atrocious behaviour that you recognize all-too-well as your own. But you know what?  Frog-it.  At least we can have a laugh sharing these stories with fellow parents as we wallow in our less-than-perfect example-setting.  Cheers.

Guilty, as charged.

“I know you can do it but we’re going to miss the bus so just let me zip it”

“I’ll just clean up these toys myself cause it’s too much of a battle to compel the kids to do it”

 “It’s just easier if I do it”

 “I’ll speak to your teacher about it”

Providing new clothes or toys cause you know how happy it will make them (rather than making them earn it).

 

Any of these sound familiar? If so, like me, you are guilty, as charged.  

Hypocritically I rant to my husband how the kids act so entitled or spoiled, how this generation is nothing like the one we grew up in, without realizing the role I have played in creating it. I think back to my childhood of making my own lunches, doing my own laundry, and completing my chores each week to earn my allowance.  While I’m sure there might have been a few lectures on the topic, I don’t remember being told that I am a member of a family and thus need to contribute to the household tasks. I cut the lawn, dusted, vacuumed and cleaned toilets cause it was expected of me. So why don’t my kids get it?

I recently started reading a book entitled “Cleaning House” by Kay Wills Wyma, and realized very quickly that children learn what they are taught. If you never teach them how to contribute, they won’t. Add that to the age-old wisdom that if you want something, you need to give it, and voila, I am swirling in a self-made scenario where Mom does all the work, the kids learn nothing, and as if that weren’t enough, they are actually forming their personality, work ethic and lifelong habits based on all of this. Wow, no pressure, eh? And I thought picking up after them was a lot of work.

Okay. Snap to reality, something needs to be done. It is not enough to pride yourself on NOT being a helicopter parent. Oh yeah, my kids take risks on the monkey bars, they even play outside WITHOUT me. They can eat dirt and I’m not fazed. They scrape their knees when they fall off their bikes, they knee themselves in the nose on the trampoline. Nope, not a helicopter parent.  Too bad that isn’t enough. Turns out parenting isn’t just about supervising. It’s also about teaching.  

Transitioning  from our newborn years into grade school years, I am faced with my own transition. Teaching doesn’t end at letters and numbers. It doesn’t end when they go to school. There is SO MUCH MORE for them to learn. And they are doing it whether you intend it or not (for examples read my other blog post about Accidental Home-schooling).

In the book Cleaning House, Kay devotes each chapter to teaching her kids something, over a 12 month period (no overnight fix here). She calls it an experiment, but it’s nothing short of brilliant. She offers some terrific techniques for motivation, but the real point it, she is teaching them.

Chapter one starts with what she calls the easier tasks: its all about basic tidiness (making your bed, clothes in the laundry basket, picking up after yourself, etc). Easy, right.

Chapter two is all about cooking. She has five kids so each one gets slotted for a meal each weekday. They learn how to plan the meal, grocery shop, and prepare the food.  Contrast that with my approach “okay – everyone stay in your seats with your book/toy/video game while I run the mad dash to collect as many groceries as I can in ten minutes so I don’t have to bring four kids into the store with me”. It never occurred to me before that grocery shopping is a teachable moment (this is the produce area vs. frozen foods, this is how you pick out fruit, here’s how to shop the sales, this is why jam is with “spreads” instead of with breakfast cereal, what is a reasonable price for an item and why it differs by store).  Isn’t that handy stuff to know? Major life tool and doesn’t cost a cent in tuition. And here’s the best part – they learn that they can do this on their own, even be great at it, and it has transferable properties to other parts of their life!

Next chapter is outdoor work. How to pull weeds from the root, how to plant, reaping what you sew.  I found myself saying “What? She has five kids and still hired someone to cut their lawn?” Crazy right? As crazy as having four kids and still doing all the cooking and cleaning myself?  Right. Point taken.  

She covers looking for part-time jobs, laundry, bathroom cleaning, do-it-yourself repair, and party planning/hospitality.  But she doesn’t stop there: errands, serving others, manners – it’s all in there!

I have already caught myself saying to my kids “oh yes, enjoy the pig sty now, cause Mommy is reading a new book and pretty soon your whole world is gonna change!”

Be the change you want to see in the world, right?

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Still not convinced?  There’s loads more good stuff in this article:

http://growingleaders.com/blog/3-mistakes-we-make-leading-kids/