October 20, 2010 § 4 Comments
I have always told myself that there are several things that my children will eventually learn, or be exposed to someday that, as a parent, I should brace myself for. Naively I assured myself that children pick these things up at school. Sadly, that isn’t quite accurate. For example, my son did not learn how to fart on cue, and follow it with “and that’s what I think about that!” from his teacher. That home-school credit definitely goes to his father.
Turns out kids are learning just as many “helpful” and “convenient” things at home as they are at school:
Side note: The rules of family-themed blogging are clear, so I have chosen to replace the all-too-familiar adult “terms” below with a more kid-friendly substitute. See if you can keep up.
- My 3 year old niece is in the backseat of the car while her parents are driving and very nonchalantly and without any particular emphasis, states “I’m frogging hungry.”
- Shortly afterwards, when the same precocious little gem is asking for a cookie from her nanny and her request is greeted with an undesired response, she exclaims, fists clenched, “this is bullsugar!”
- My daughter is using the toilet as I’m blow-drying my hair and asks me in a curious tone: “the magazines aren’t for pee, right Mommy, just poo?”
- Playing the role of single mother to four kids all week while my husband travels, I am too exhausted to cook dinner so I say in my most excited and persuasive voice “Who wants to go to McDonalds?!” My two year old responds, “no Mommy, that’s junkfood!”. Backfire.
- This last one requires some background: My (just) three year old son has recently developed a fascination with the computer game he watches his older brother and beloved uncle play together entitled “Plants and Zombies”. It includes funny little cartoon zombies doing Michael Jackson moves and caring for plants in various ways as far as I can tell. He begs to sit in a kitchen chair and watch them play just for the chance to watch a zombie moon walk across the screen. Fast forward to last night as I’m tucking my little angel into bed and he sweetly states that he is scared to sleep alone. In my most loving and motherly tone I respond with, “oh darling, you just need to fill your head with happy thoughts of your favourite things and before you know it, you’re off to sleep”. His response? “Okay, Mommy. I will think of zombies. Good night.”
One of the most deflating aspects of parenthood can be when you see your child demonstrate atrocious behaviour that you recognize all-too-well as your own. But you know what? Frog-it. At least we can have a laugh sharing these stories with fellow parents as we wallow in our less-than-perfect example-setting. Cheers.