Accidental Home-schooling…

October 20, 2010 § 4 Comments

I have always told myself that there are several things that my children will eventually learn, or be exposed to someday that, as a parent, I should brace myself for. Naively I assured myself that children pick these things up at school.  Sadly, that isn’t quite accurate. For example, my son did not learn how to fart on cue, and follow it with “and that’s what I think about that!” from his teacher. That home-school credit definitely goes to his father.

 Turns out kids are learning just as many “helpful” and “convenient” things at home as they are at school:

Side note: The rules of family-themed blogging are clear, so I have chosen to replace the all-too-familiar adult “terms” below with a more kid-friendly substitute. See if you can keep up.

  • My 3 year old niece is in the backseat of the car while her parents are driving and very nonchalantly and without any particular emphasis, states “I’m frogging hungry.”
  • Shortly afterwards, when the same precocious little gem is asking for a cookie from her nanny and her request is greeted with an undesired response, she exclaims, fists clenched, “this is bullsugar!”
  • My daughter is using the toilet as I’m blow-drying my hair and asks me in a curious tone: “the magazines aren’t for pee, right Mommy, just poo?”
  • Playing the role of single mother to four kids all week while my husband travels, I am too exhausted to cook dinner so I say in my most excited and persuasive voice “Who wants to go to McDonalds?!”  My two year old responds, “no Mommy, that’s junkfood!”. Backfire.
  • This last one requires some background:  My (just) three year old son has recently developed a fascination with the computer game he watches his older brother and beloved uncle play together entitled “Plants and Zombies”. It includes funny little cartoon zombies doing Michael Jackson moves and caring for plants in various ways as far as I can tell.  He begs to sit in a kitchen chair and watch them play just for the chance to watch a zombie moon walk across the screen.  Fast forward to last night as I’m tucking my little angel into bed and he sweetly states that he is scared to sleep alone. In my most loving and motherly tone I respond with, “oh darling, you just need to fill your head with happy thoughts of your favourite things and before you know it, you’re off to sleep”. His response?  “Okay, Mommy. I will think of zombies. Good night.”

 One of the most deflating aspects of parenthood can be when you see your child demonstrate atrocious behaviour that you recognize all-too-well as your own. But you know what?  Frog-it.  At least we can have a laugh sharing these stories with fellow parents as we wallow in our less-than-perfect example-setting.  Cheers.


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§ 4 Responses to Accidental Home-schooling…

  • shadycat says:

    When my darling daughter was young,I was very anal about her knowing proper terms and not outright lying about certain things she seen on Discovery channel (one of my personal favorites),nope that was me the Honest to a fault parent.
    One day my inlaws were babysitting her and her then Baby brother (she was about 2) and they were watching a nature program, well two bears decided at that moment to well you know….
    My Father in law frantically searched for the remote while my Mother in law tried to sheild those inoccent two year old eyes from those nasty bears.
    My daughter`s response, Ìt`s okay Nanny and Grampy, they just making Baby bears“.


    • buddingwisdom says:

      I had a similar experience at SeaWorld with a pair of frisky walruses. “What are they doing, Mom?” My response, “Oh, they are just playing piggy back darlin’, let’s go see what the penguins are doing!”


  • Graeme says:

    When my younger son was about 4, he watched the movie Over The Hedge and did not like the large scary bear. When going to bed that night, he told me he was scared of the bear and couldn’t go to sleep. I told him that we didn’t allow bears in the house and that if a bear came, he’d just have to go back to the forest. My son said “Yeah! If a bear came I’d tell him ‘go away bear! Go back to the forest!’ Then I’d whack him in the nuts.”

    Thanks, older brother.


  • Loopsterk says:

    Ive managed to avoid frog-it moments so far with my 2-year-old, but here’s a favorite of a former manager… One day he’s driving in bad traffic with his 2-year-old strapped into the back seat. Another car decides to let my manager in, and as he pulls in front of the courteous car, his son pipes up, “See Daddy, they’re not all bast… oops, “not-nice-people” 🙂


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